The Smiles Continued

It was another great day and I really enjoyed myself. I loved being out and about at the swim meet. I even think I may have learned to avoid the sun and heat and remember that I need shade and cooler areas every now and again to help me keep going.

I am heat sensitive which means that my symptoms go haywire wacky in the heat. So no more being supermom, just take things in stride and then I can last longer in the day..... see baby steps I am learning.

I also got my blood pumping this weekend and well... it felt good and left me with a bigger smile. See I just got dumped by a guy about a month ago that I had been with for three years (yep by texting me saying "I can't see you again because I have a girlfriend.) Super nice because after us being together for three years he refused to call me his girlfriend saying he just was not ready for that yet... BULL HONKY! I kept breaking up with him only to have the low self esteem to go back to him over and over again. After my diagnosis I tried to really stay away and managed well for a few months only to of course go back and with him stating that he really really promised to not hurt me again *ugh stupid me*. He was selficious in bed and out of bed so hey... I taught him what I could so now it is time for another to work with him. He made me believe that I am not worth being called "girlfriend".... and I know that is wrong but of course it is still there inside me and has done its damage to my already faltering self esteem.

Now then back to my blood pumping... well I met a very nice and extremely good looking man this weekend. When I talked to him it was just well you know general talk. It was not until later today that we really talked and I wondered if we were both flirting with each other! ACK! No, no, no! I cannot go down that road because right now I see pain so yep I will let my blood pump but in no way shape or form will I invision us being together. For once I am certain he learns of what comes along with me now, he will be running away as fast as he can. I am okay with that. I am not okay with being single... I do want attention and affection, but I am relastic now that it probably will take a very long time for me to come across a man with enough compassion to be with me as well as the realization that it just may never happen at all. I won't ever be truly okay with being single, but I just will have to accept that maybe the alternative of the possibility of getting hurt would be a lot worse road to travel huh.

So good luck to Justin and his "girlfriend", I do wish him well.

Yep I still am smiling.... I see this very good looking man again on Thursday - so it will do good to get the blood pumping again... but this time I will try to rope in any flirtation that I may be doing! My daughter even says, "Mom I approve of him".. rolling my eyes - she never has approved of anyone I date so the one guy I will never date she approves of?